What is Really Going on?

Ladies,

How is everyone?  Fine, I hope.  I missed posting last night due to extreme weather in my neck of the woods!  We had a tornado warning for about two hours and then it poured down raining for a very long time.  I got home just before all of this started.  I am very thankful to God that my family and I are safe.  During times like these, all you can do is begin to make dhikr and that is what I did along with dua' for our safety.

I realize this is the time of year for tornadoes/thunderstorms/hail and all that but I don't recall it ever being so severe.  I certainly believe the Lord is trying to tell us something with all of these natural disasters lately.  We need to focus on what is real, remain focused on the prize and put all of our childish ways aside. There is nothing like treacherous weather to get me back in focus...what about you?

May Allah strengthen our iman and keep us on the straight path.  It does seem we are living in the last days and I pray that the weaknesses I possess are corrected and I can be of assistance to all who I come in contact with.  Ameen.

Now, I have gotten some comments from sisters who are interested in starting a "Biggest Loser" type of activity on our blog.  Please leave a comment on here if you are interested and we will try to begin in July.  Below, you will find some things I would like to do to get this thing started!

1. Weigh in
2. Set small term goal
3. Together, determine a way that we will treat ourselves and each other online when we reach our goal
4. Share why we want to lose our weight
5. Share ideas on how to lose our weight
6. Share good, healthy recipes and other things that have worked in the past
7. Be a support system for each other when we are feeling good and bad
8. Share weekly progress

Let us hear your voice!

Until next time,

Live, laugh, love

Lamya Amatullah

Day 11 (Really 12) - Trying to Play Catch Up...Can We Do It?

Hey Ladies!

I hope everyone is doing well!  I apologize for not blogging yesterday.  I have been sleeping like crazy and not on any type of good schedule.  It all came crashing down on me yesterday and I had to get myself together.

I have shared with you all that I lost my job.  So I have had some free time on my hands.  I had all of these high hopes of getting a bunch of housework done and cooking food for days so I would just have food on deck (lol).  I also have plans of getting an online reading class together by the first of July!  Needless to say, I have not been able to accomplish all of these goals. 

The main goal I have not kept up with is getting the house together.  The house is straight but now I need to mop the entire house which is covered with ALL hardwood.  I also need to begin preparing for the online class (which is actually very exciting to me) in July.  There just does not seem to be enough time for me to do all of the things I would like and need to do.

Our bodies tend to take their rights and I needed plenty of rest.  It is hard for me to accept that.  I grew up believing if you napped or just sat around your are lazy.  So I felt (and still do sometimes) guilty anytime I just wanted to take it easy.  But the older I become, I know that I have to get rest and just relax or I will go insane.

Do any of you feel guilty for wanting to do things for yourself even if it is something as simple as resting and watching a few good movies?  Is it possible to just be content with not taking care of everything all of the time?  I find it is a struggle to do so, but it happens anyway so I am choosing to simply accept the things that I cannot complete/accomplish.  I am also making sure I stay true to myself and my family.  Am I wrong for that?

Let us hear your voice!

Until next time,

Live, laugh, love

Lamya Amatullah

Day 10 - Letting Go...

Hey Ladies!

How is everybody doing tonight?  Fine, I hope.  I am doing okay.  I am having a bit of a rough day.  I have been on a diet for about three weeks.  I do not eat sugar or bread.  But my body seems to still crave it.  I don't really crave it but I am not truly satisfied with the veggies I am eating all of the time.  So I have no appetite whatsoever and haven't been making sure I eat throughout the day.  I have gone outside a few times and gotten light-headed. 

Now, I am trying to make sure I am eating more often, even though I am not hungry.  Our bodies are crazy/amazing.  I actually bought a candy bar today just because I thought I would feel better.  Of course, I do not.  It takes the body about seven days to rid itself of sugar and the cravings.  I am not craving sugar but I still thought for some reason it would help.

I am just going to have to deal with the transition.  Reintroducing myself to healthy eating is great but it is a job.  I seem to be more satisfied with foods that make us feel good instead of those that actually make us healthy.  It takes a complete readjusting of the mind for me right now and I am not there yet.  I am able to eat correctly but I do not feel satisfied.

I need to lose at least thirty pounds but I would like to lose fifty.  I gained fifty pounds throughout the five years I have been in school.  Now, I want to get it off while I have a break.  I will be back in school in August and I do not want to still be dealing with this weight issue.

What has been your experience with weight?  Have you been successful?  If so, please share strategies you used.  Please share anything else that you would like regarding weight gain or loss and anything in between with us.

Let us hear your voice!

Until next time,

Live, laugh, love

Lamya Amatullah

P.S.  By the way, I am going to the gym tomorrow...make dua' for me!  lol

Day 9- Fathers Day

Ladies,

I hope all is well with everyone.  I am up and at 'em early today so I am going to put a few things out here on the table and see what you all think.  Fathers' Day - who is it for?


Traditionally, it has been for the male fathers and father figures who are involved in children's lives.  However, in the more recent years Fathers' Day has spread to also include mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunties.  Why?  Because the men are not stepping up to the plate and playing their role.  We have a lot of children being born into this world today who never even know who their father is.  Yes, the mothers might be whores and all of that.  But shouldn't paternity be established and don't the men still need to be responsible for their children?  And is that scenario the exception or the rule?  I believe it is the exception.

Many men and women get married or become involved in a relationship and have children together.  Everything is all good until they divorce or break up.  Often, at that point the men move on to a new relationship and abandon the children from the previous relationship and that is not right.  They do not want to pay child support because they think they are helping the women and they are-helping the women take care of BOTH parents' child(ren).  This is true of many women as well.  It just does not seem to be as common with the women as it is with the men.

I have a 16 year old.  I was married for many years before I had my child.  My child has seen my ex about two times in her entire life.  I have not received any child support from him at all...oh, I apologize.  I have received about $1,000.00 because the court took it from his check when he had a job.  Other than that, he has done nothing.  I have contacted him and he will talk to her for a brief amount of time and then stops.  It is a terrible situation.  But honestly I am glad he does not bother her because she would be miserable dealing with his miserable self.

I cannot relate to my daughter's situation because I have always known my father and communicated with him and I received child support from him.  We had our ups and downs but he never disconnected himself from my life.  So with that said, I give him major props for that.

What has been your experience with men being a father to your child(ren)?  How do you feel about it?  What do you think can help the situation? What was/is your experience with your own father?  How does your relationship with your father impact your marital relationship?

Let us hear your voice!

Until next time,

Live, laugh, love

Lamya Amatullah

Day 8 - Black, tired and wondering...

Hey ladies!

First, I want to thank everyone who is showing my blog some love!  As you can see, I have slipped and am back on here late.  I have had a very busy day filled with cleaning, shopping and spending time at the park.

I have been thinking about a few things today.  The most recent thought I have involves history.  How many of us really know our history as a race (whatever race that might be)?  How does our cultural history impact our lives today?

Well, I consider myself to be black.  I don't care anything about being referred to as "African American" because it simply does not matter to me.  If I am doing work in school or even on my facebook page, I identify myself as a woman of color.  That just sounds classy and I am all about class!  But just in my mind, I am black. 

Being black means a variety of things to me and has evolved throughout my life.  I grew up knowing basically nothing about black history as it wasn't taught in the schools when I was coming up.  I first learned about different black history issues when I went to college.  Now of course, I did know about MLK, Rosa Parks and that slavery existed.  But I did not know about any issue or person in-depth.  When I began learning about black history in-depth, I became very angry.  Angry at the "man" for all that mess black people went/go through.  I was angry at my parents for not teaching me about black history-angry at my school for not teaching and just plain old mad period.  I connected with some like-mined people and this mode of behavior continued through my entire twenties.

As I started to work, educate myself and grow personally, I realized I had to let the anger go and just be glad that I learned what took place in history and how that impacts me today.  I figured the old saying of our grandparents, "Get that little piece of paper because that is something they can't take away from you." was very true.  I decided to really work hard to educate myself so I would have a chance of making it in this world.  I worked and eventually obtained a little bit of education that actually is respected in this world system.

Do I still experience racism?  Of course, I do.  I believe I experience it at work and at school.  But has my thinking shifted from the way it was in my twenties?  Of course, it has.

I wanted to say something about being tired and eating healthy but I will have to save that for another day.  This blog post is long enough!

Let us hear your voice!

Until next time,

Live, laugh, love,

Lamya Amatullah

Day 7- What do you look for in a mate?

Ladies,

I hope all is well with everyone today!  I have found myself getting started early with the blog again.  I have been doing a lot of thinking about the blog and this is kind-of a trial and error thing for me.  I know what interests me and I know what interests some of you but I would like to have more input from more people regarding your interests.  What do you want to talk about on a blog?  Think about that and leave a comment.

I want to switch it up a bit today and ask what do you look for in a mate?  I look for someone who is financially stable, has not been married very many times and does not have too many children.  I also would like for him to be nice and thoughtful.  I would like for him to have healthy self esteem and be family oriented.  I would also like for him to not be too extreme in his beliefs.  Typically, I would like for him to be black and at least five years older than me.

Now that is what I look for.  I am not sure this is what I will actually get.  My next question for you is do we get what we look for in a mate?  Why or why not?

Let me hear your voice!

Until next time,

Live, laugh, love

Lamya Amatullah

Day 6

Ladies,

I hope all is well with you today.  I am posting a bit earlier today.  I have been out all day and am still pretty energized so I told myself to go on and blog right now.  I have one more follower and a few people have now voted on the quality of the blog.  Thanks!

I mentioned in my first post that I lost my job after working for many years.  I recently found out that I have been awarded unemployment.  This is great as I have no prospects for employment right now and could certainly use the income.  Today, I received a letter from the unemployment department indicating that my previous employers did not make any claims to prove their case.  They simply reported that my contract was not renewed.  This is so ironic to me because they gave me a HORRIBLE evaluation that was based on a series of untruths and I fully expected them to do the same with unemployment.

I am certainly thankful that things worked out for me.  At the same time, I am angry that they were willing to make so many false claims on my evaluation but would not do so with the unemployment paperwork.  My reputation on paper has basically been ruined with this specific employer.  I cannot use them as a reference and I am basically starting all over.  I have told myself repeatedly that this is fine and I have carried myself with grace and class during the whole ordeal.  However, at times I find myself extremely hurt by all of this.  I have never experienced lies against me so serious.  These lies impact my life in so many ways.  The logical part of me says, "bump all of this, I am good." But the flesh part of me says, "wait, I have been wronged and I am going to make sure my name is cleared  by taking these people to court!"

I have been struggling with this for some time.  I felt like I was handling it better but then the letter set me off once again.  A really good friend had to calm me down and help me to refocus on who our Lord is and what He is capable of.  She explained that I really need to be thankful and move forward.   I know all of the encouraging words she shared to be true.  But sometimes, it is just too hard to think right!

Like I said, I thought I was dealing with this matter well.  But I see any little thing will set me off.  Our feelings are so real to us and they need to be validated for sure.  At the same time, we have to move on to much more productive thinking.  I have to continuously pray for guidance and the strength to forgive and want for my fellow brothers and sisters what I want  for myself.  It is hard but it can be done.  The more I practice what I know to be true, the less difficult my situation will be.

Has anyone experienced anything really hurtful (I know the answer to that, but are you willing to share?)  How did you deal with it?  Are you still struggling with the issue(s)?

Well, that's all for me.

Let us hear your voice

Live, laugh, love

Lamya Amatullah

Day 5

Ladies,

I hope everyone is doing well!  I am becoming more encouraged each day working on the blog!  I noticed four people completed the poll on the blog and I truly appreciate it!  At the same time, I am disappointed that only one person has chosen to join the feed.  I realized my settings did not allow people to comment unless they are members of the blog.  I also realized how you might not want to or feel like going through another "username/password" situation!  I know I get tired of them.  So, I adjusted the settings allowing you to be able to post without creating an account.  In addition sisters, you do not have to use your real names if you would feel more comfortable as it is natural to be apprehensive during the beginning stages of this page.  This also might help you to communicate/participate more freely.

I feel in my heart that we need this.  I know we need this.  I also know there are sisters out here hurting, depressed and frightened for a variety of reasons.  I also know that with some encouragement, all of us can make some positive things happen in our lives.  Sometimes it just takes someone (even a stranger) telling you that you are worthy and fully capable of being happy in this life.  I would like for us to create that type of environment on this blog.

My heart is very close to all of the issues we will cover on the blog.  I have been to hell and back sisters.  I think I even resided there for a little while!  That is metaphorically speaking, of course.  My goal is for us to work together, get our minds right and open our minds to the endless opportunities that await those who believe and act on their faith in the Almighty and themselves.

But first, I need some feedback!  This will promote the support group that we so badly need.  So, please make dua' and if you find it in your heart to join, please do so! 

Let us hear your voice.

Until next time,

Live, laugh love

Lamya Amatullah

Day 4

Hey Ladies,

I pray everyone is doing great today!  I find myself working on the blog a little earlier than the previous nights.  My sleep pattern has gotten way off track since I have been off from work and school.  I have wanted a blog for some time now and am just now getting around to making it happen.  Now, I find myself struggling sometimes to make sure it is completed daily.  However, I am motivated to make the blog successful and I know I have to stay committed and regular if I expect to realize any true success with it.  I also find working on the blog to be extremely therapeutic.  I am able to really sit down in peace and quiet to develop my thoughts.  Rarely do we sit down and stay in the moment but working on the blog allows me to do that.  Being in the moment...that is a different blog topic for a future date!

I noticed one person has viewed the blog and I appreciate it!  I would like for more women to become involved.  It is very beneficial for us to come together to share and reflect.  Please know if you are simply reading and not responding, I would really like for you to become a part of this blog.  My belief is that it will be life changing as many of us need an outlet to share and to be heard.

In an earlier blog, I mentioned needing to get on my feet and having baggage after divorcing.  I did some reflecting and realized part of the problem I was having with the marriages was that my partners and I did not share the same vision.  Along with having shared vision, we should also know what our own personal vision is.

Senge (2006) says vision is a specific destination, a picture of a desired future.  Vision is concrete.  There is a difference between purpose and vision.  I might think my vision is to make money and be comfortable in my life.  In reality, that is my purpose.  My vision would be to own my own company by age 40 and make at least $100,000.00 a year.  So for me, I knew when I became divorced that I wanted to provide for my daughter and become self-sufficient.  What I did not know was the specific steps I would take to reach that goal.

After much trial and error, I realized that I really did not have a plan.  So, I made one.  In 2005, I lacked 40 hours to complete an undergraduate degree and I decided I would complete my degree within the next three years while I worked.  In addition, I decided to purchase a home because I kept saying I wanted a house (purpose, not vision).  I found a home that was within my means and was able to purchase it.

My thoughts always go back to relationships.  Many times, I think we mis-communicate with our partners because we share our purpose but have no specific way of obtaining it (vision).  I know this is true in my past relationships.  Although I always had a purpose, I never really had a vision.  We need to know the difference to realize success.

My question to you and myself is, what is your personal vision?  I think I am still tweaking my personal vision!  And that is fine.  We have to constantly focus and refocus on our personal vision and make the proper adjustments.  I will follow up with my personal vision tomorrow and hope you do the same!

Let us hear your voice!

Live, laugh, love

Lamya Amatullah 

Day 3

Hey Ladies!

I know I said I would continue with the blog from yesterday.  However, I would like to talk about something slightly different but still related.  I have a Master of Science in Adult Education. In this program we were provided with a lot of tools to promote personal growth and how to use those tools in the workplace.  I would like to talk about how some of the same strategies used for work can also be used in our personal lives. 

In my program, one of my favorite authors became Peter Senge.  Senge (2006) explains how we all need a shared vision in order to enjoy success at work.  Along with that, he mentions that many employees fall into the category of working with a compliance mentality opposed to a commitment mentality.  The person who has a compliance mentality will follow the rules provided by the leader.  However, he/she follows the rules simply because there is a fear that the position will be terminated if the rules are not adhered to.  On the other hand, the person who possesses the commitment mentality will get on board and stay on board because there is a true desire within to experience success.  The compliance mentality is forced and the commitment mentality is not.

A person who works within the compliance mentality is prone to burn out quickly due to the fact that they never valued the vision.  At the same time, the worker who is committed will thrive at work.  This worker will be full of energy and will even bring additional ideas to the table in an effort to further promote the success of the vision.

When I first read about this, I couldn't help relating it to my own personal life.  Ladies, I have been married four times.  Each marriage was filled with extreme miscommunication...or so I thought.  I am sure we could have communicated better but I also realized there was no shared vision in the home.  Yes, everyone knew their rights and some rights are honored and others are not.  But more importantly, we did not share the same vision for the relationship. 

So with this in mind, I had to reflect on my baggage.  How can marriages work if couples are just doing what they think they have to do (compliance) to get through. There has to be a happy medium where both people have the same main goal(s).  Otherwise, the relationship will not receive the proper care to be successful.

Looking back on my relationships, I now understand that my previous partners and I were not on the same page.  Our goals were not similar at all.  Yes, I made my desires clear and my partners did as well.  However, we never agreed to make each other's desires our personal desires too,

So now, when I think about what it will take to have a productive marriage, I know that I have to be aware of my own vision.  In addition, I have to be open to my spouse's vision as well.  Hopefully, our visions can merge into one and we will be successful.

What does it take to establish our own personal vision?  How does a shared vision develop?  That topic will be discussed in an immediate future blog.

Ladies, if any of this sounds familiar to you, let us hear your voice!

Until next time...

Live, laugh, love

Lamya Amatullah

Day 2

My favorite place that I have visited is the ISNA Conference, 2000.  I was in school at the time and really did not want to go but decided to go anyway.  Once I arrived, I did more observing than interacting.  I travelled with my daughter and we stayed in a very nice hotel across the street from the conference.  For the first time since becoming Muslim, I saw families together having fun.  I saw fathers in the pool with their children laughing and playing.  Everyone looked really happy and comfortable financially.  When I saw these families, I felt really bad inside because that was not what I was accustomed to yet I knew it was right.  I was a single parent and felt like I had been robbed of this same happiness.

I also attended really well organized workshops available to everyone.  In addition, I observed young children (MYNA) performing skits and songs with open-ended drums.  I also went to a fashion show that included women dressed correctly according to the rules of Islam.  For the first time in my life, I was able to relate what I had read about Islam to what I actually saw.  It was a bittersweet feeling.

This conference lasted three days.  When I left, I felt rejuvenated and I felt lost, trapped, confused, unhappy, worried and desperate.  I was nothing like any of these Muslims.  I began to reflect on my own life and the choices I had made.  I tried to figure out what I needed to focus on in order to care for my child properly as a single parent in Islam. 

I learned a few things about myself.  I learned that I had been brainwashed into believing it is more religious/ spiritual/closer to God to live in poverty.  I learned that I was stuck in a rut and had been for the past eight years while I was married. After reflecting on this reality, I decided that I grew up with nice things and even if I did not, I do deserve to have nice material things in my life.  Therefore, money has to be made in order to make purchases. In order to make the money, I would have to educate myself and work in order to provide as much as possible for me and my daughter.

So with  eight years of baggage, where would I go from there?  I was very tired-mentally and physically but I would have to address that at some point in the future.  First, I had to find a job and I did just that.  I was able to find an apartment based on my income and it was very nice.  I still needed a car, education and to rid myself of the toxic baggage I was holding on to.

I will have to continue this story tomorrow, lord-willing.

So far, has anybody ever felt this way about anything I mentioned?  If so, what where your experiences and how did you deal with it?

Let us hear your voice!

Much love,

Lamya Amatullah

Day 1

Dear Ladies,

After working five years for the same employer, I just lost my job.  I found out at the end of May that my contract would not be renewed.  Imagine my shock, disappointment and rage.  Thankfully, I was able to handle it with grace.  I am a divorced mother of one child, so I am concerned about my money to say the least.  However, I believe I will make it and that is half the battle.

Since losing my job, I have done a lot of thinking about how people communicate.  I attribute losing my job, in part, to miscommunication by all parties involved.  So much is involved in effectively communicating.  Often, people look at others and make an initial judgement about who they are and what they represent.  In addition, even though a person says one thing, it could very well be misinterpreted by the assumptions that were made initially.

This is not related to the workplace only.  Miscommunication occurs in households between couples and among other family members.  It also takes place between and among friends.

Have you ever been misunderstood? If so, how?  Have you ever misunderstood someone?  If so, how?  Was anything done to rectify the situation?

Let me hear your voice!

That's all for now!

Much love,

Lamya Amatullah